08 September 2007

Glooooomy...



Pittsburgh really just doesn't like me. Seriously. The days I am stuck in class all day and can't go and do anything are sunny, bright, and beautiful. And then I finally have a day full of nothing except for all the plans in the world to go on walks and chill outside. That's when Pittsburgh decides to be gross, and rainy.

On the bright side, I made grilled cheese...

To be honest, it's probably best that I'm stuck inside today, because I really do have truckloads to get done. I have to read at least 300 pages of Herodotus this weekend (The Histories) because I'm an ass and accidentally read Plutarch instead. Turns out Plutarch is the one that's due AFTER midterms, and Herodotus is the one due BEFORE midterms. On the bright side, Plutarch's Rise and Fall of Athens was quite engaging, so I don't feel too bad about the mistake. As long as I just pretend I don't have to read six hundred pages in a week and a half along with all my other homework.

So it's good that I'm stuck inside. However, I seem to be having this problem lately where the 1950's Housewife in me is pulling so hard to get me to stop doing work. It's bizarre, because I have this rediculous dichotomy in my life. On one hand, I'm this independant, intellegent, modern, head-strong 20 year old woman, and on the other it's like there's the spirit of a 1950's housewife inhabiting my body (this is all just figure of speech. I don't actually think there's a spirit of some lady inhabiting my body. I don't do the supernatural like that) and I'm constantly torn between the two. It's like there is no in between.

It's very confusing, because one day I'll wake up and be convinced that I'm going to go to Columbia or NYU or somewhere, get my Ph.D., write myriads of books, revolutionize the feild of British History and teach at a university, all while keeping up a career as a fiction writer and opera singer on the side, and jettsetting all over the world. And I really honestly feel capable of it.

And then some days I get up and just know that I'm going to go back home, teach highschool history, and be happy doing that for the rest of my life. And I really honestly feel like anything else would make me miserable.

I'm not really sure how to handle it, because I have to make up my mind within the next three months so I can get grad school applications out. It's hard, because every day I'm SO SURE that this is what I'm going to do, but then I wake up the next day and I'm SO SURE that I want to do the other thing. I've gotta straighten this out, because I don't have all the time in the world any more. Three months, and I've gotta know.

Grrrr.... I hate rainy days. They always make me think too much.

So anyway, here's a cat picture. I liked the way it came out after I edited it, so you get to see it. It's on DevArt too.



-l.c.

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