30 September 2010

The Last Lazy Days of Summer...


The last, lazy days of summer have come and gone faster than I ever could have imagined. It seems like only yesterday we were closing out the camp I worked at, spending the last two days before we staff members returned to our respective homes all over the country by camping at an area lake.

I have been so busy lately that I've barely noticed the fact that autumn has already arrived. Looking outside, and then back to these photos make me feel like those lazy two days of laughter, friends, yeungling, and quiet are from a different universe. And yet, the memory is still so vivid, so visceral.


I cannot figure out where the time has gone. Well, actually, that's a lie. The last weeks of August catapulted me unexpectedly into the life of a workaholic. Every free second has been spent either writing lectures or in rehearsals for one thing or another.

Not that I mind. It has become so undeniably clear to me over the past few weeks that I love what I do. Being faculty at a University at the age of 23 has been the most emotionally harrowing, stressful, nerve wracking, anxiety inducing, time consuming thing I have ever done in my entire short life. The ups and the downs are massive and sudden. I can be flying high, feeling like I can take on the entire world at one moment, and feel like everything is falling apart the next.

And yet, I love it. Every up, every down, every left, every right. Through every second spent wondering if my students hate me, every second panicking over the way I set up my syllabus, every second guessing moment and unexpected challenge... I love it.


It's been so hard for me to figure out a way to express that. Update you guys on what I've been up to. And so I've been avoiding the blog, the few attempts at posting turning into staring at a blank blogger update screen, unsure of how to even begin to relate to you the last month and a half.

I guess I just needed to get the words flowing.


-l.c.